Stardoll- A website I Love

Go to Stardoll! It is the best gaming website I've ever seen.... it lets you communicate,play,design, and much much more!! It has become my addiction nowadays. If you're on Stardoll, add me my username is ash_me_myself. And if you're not, you better be, because some day you'll get bored of being bored! rofl... :D

Problems Erupting

Forget about my love life, everything is miserable. In my love life, I broke up with my boyfriend because I realized that I didn't really love him. I loved his friend. Second reason is that they were fighting for me. Not over me. that hurt a lot. :( And I cut myself... on the hand on top of the nerve.. And the cuts bled like mad. Of course I didn't show it anyone except the guy I loved. Done with my love life. 

Now, the list of reasons apart from my love life on why I'm so unhappy:

1.My parents are continuously fighting.
2. They are yelling at me without any reason.
3. I can't concentrate on my studies.
4. My syllabus isn't completed and school reopens after like 10 days...
5. My tuition teacher is angry with me.
6. My granny is depressed and I care a lot for her.
7. My headaches increases every minute.
8. I'm getting fatter even though I'm working a lot.
9. My thyroid scale is increasing.
10. Due to that, my temper is at it's peak and I shout at everyone and then feel bad.
11. My best friends don't give a damn about me. Swarnali Mukherjee and Trishita Biswas. They call me once in a month. Like really...
12. I'm always lying.
13. Many more reasons which can't become viral across the Internet.

That Song...

There's a saying that "Behind every girl's favorite song is her life story." So this is my favorite song... well, one of my MOST loved songs. It's "teri jhuki nazar" from the movie "Murder 3". Go watch it and let me know what you think. If you don't know the meaning of the song, or you don't understand the language because you're foreign, just tell me. :D

Loving Life!

yeah, so I am dating the friend of the guy I had a crush on. I love him, he loves me too. The guy I used to like is jealous now. I'm so happy heheh!! And everything else is awesome in my life! No problems! Tomorrow there's that Rabindra Jayanti program I was talking about ... can't wait! :D

Kissed!

My mom was watching a movie today. I was on the computer on my fake Facebook account. That friend of the guy whom I loved ( go to this link if you don't know what's this about: http://thatgirlyouadore.blogspot.in/2014/05/romance-in-my-life-what-disaster-help-me.html) was online. I was chatting with him. He said he loved me. I said I loved him too( I really do. I'm so confused. Coming to that later. he treats me like his princess. I really love him). He said he was feeling romantic and he wanted to see me and hug me... tightly. Then he said he wanted to kiss me all over. At that moment, my heart skipped a beat and I felt all jiggly wiggly inside - like jelly. Because I wanted him to kiss me. I  wanted to kiss him and not his friend, the guy I loved (I really don't know if I still love him. He's too late, I guess.) I REALLY DESPERATELY want to kiss him. I want to stay in his arms forever. :( What do I do? How can I be rude to such a sweet guy? HOW? I should be rude to that guy who says I should "concentrate on my studies" and not to that guy who's his friend and who says "baby you're my life. I'm gonna die without you." He cut himself for me. I feel so bad. SO SO BAD. Why didn't the guy whom I loved feel bad when I cut myself for him? Is he immortal or what? or heartless? Someone please kill me. I gotta die. I don't know how to handle this. :(

He sent me this image too. I'm crying. I deserve to. :(

Romance in My Life... What a Disaster. Help Me!

Ok, so here's this guy I love like hell. I know all of you will think that it's just an infatuation at my age but, trust me, it's not. It's true love. I've cut myself for him, I have sleepless nights for him, I have dreams about him when I actually sleep and I cry for him daily. He knows that I like him. He doesn't know that I love him more than anyone else ever would. He said "Oh, she's just a kid. Tell her to concentrate on her studies." when I told one of his friends to tell him. Now, that one friend of his, loves me. Argh, I'm just tired. There's a boys group in our neighborhood, and two boys in that group were and still ARE in love with me. Once as a stupid dare, one of my friends told me to tell "I love you" to those boys. BOTH OF THEM. Since it was a dare I had to do it. :( But BOTH OF THEM thought that I actually felt that way about them. And they have been spreading ever since that I am a cheater and I do not love anyone and that boy I actually love has also heard rumors about me from them. That friend of the boy whom I love also heard it. And now, I have three lovers, (that too crazy mad lovers) and one whom I love. This guy whom I love is 18 years old. I'm 13. People who know about this thing say it's too much a difference. But he can love me. My instinct says so. If his friend who is 19 years old can love me, he can too. But that's the problem. Even if he will love me, he won't trust me. Because of those fatheads and their rumors. WHAT WILL I DO??? HE JUST THINKS THAT I'M A BIG FAT CHEATER AND HE IGNORES ME AND HATES ME AND THINKS THAT I'M JUST A KID AND I SHOULD STUDY! AS IF I DON'T ALREADY GET HIGHER MARKS THAN HIM!! EVEN AT MY AGE HE WASN'T AS GOOD IN STUDIES AS ME! WHAT WILL I DO?? HELP ME!! And on top of that I'm not on Facebook. I can't tell my parents that so much is wrong in my life. So they think that there's no need of me having a Facebook account and a phone and MY OWN PRIVACY. All those guys are all on Facebook and I don't even get to know what things and stuff they're posting about me. Even if I have a Facebook account (fake). But still. HEY, NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!!

Player- A Poem

                                               Player

                                                                                    - Ash

With tears in my eyes, I walked down the street,

It wasn't me at all, whom he wanted to meet.

Rushing in my mind, came thoughts of the past,

At one point of my life, I thought they would last.

The chats on Facebook, the useless dates,

His pretenses of us being soul mates.

Today, we were meeting for the first time,

But when I arrived, everything seemed so fake and anime.

He stood there, with another girl in his arms,

I looked at him, with anger, jealousy and alarm.

"How do I explain, baby you're my life --"

Were the exact words he said, I was like

"Oh yeah, if that be true, better hit me with a knife."

Yes, I admit he got me,

I was too blind to see.

My heart, of course he did take,

Played with it, had fun 

And threw it away.

I realized what a horrid mistake did I make-

He's a player, for God's sake!

Yes, this poem is dedicated to someone, and no, that someone will remain anonymous. When he sees this poem (IF he sees it that is) he will know that it is about him. :(